Dissociative Fugue

The Grand Canyon gives Americans the opportunity to use the word awesome in it's proper sense. I have seen countless TV programs, seen countless photographs, and yet it still took my breath away. Our guide made us do something that we all thought a bit silly. He got us to cover our eyes with one hand and only look down at the feet of the person in front as we shuffled up to the canyon. Once we were all lined up along the rim we did a simultaneous reveal. He got it just right. As you lift your hand, you just can't believe that the canyon just keeps going and going in every direction. As usual I have scores of photos that will just not convey the sheer scale of it. We went to various different points and had a couple of hours trekking down into the canyon, but it all pales in comparison to that first impression.
On the way back in the van, when we were discussing the day, I said that it was one of the few occasions where the word awesome was appropriate, and our guide Micheal told the story of another british guy who had picked him up on his use of the word. He said that every time he had used the word during the day, the guy had said "awesome, like a hotdog or like the universe"

There's barking mad, and then slightly to the bonkers side, there's Vegas. At first I didn't really get it, but then I had a drink and it all became much clearer (or much more hazy). You can indulge almost any vice you like in Vegas and you can choose exactly when you want to do it, and that's the point. I should think the only thing you can get arrested for is littering.
When you enter Las Vegas they search you for any sort of budget plans or spending limit you may have decided on. If they find any, they tear it up in front of you, laughing hysterically. You can do Vegas cheaply, but it's much easier just to spend some money.
I thought that I should gamble, as it would seem almost rude not to. I fancied Blackjack, as I can just about remember the rules. I walked up to a table, and then clocking the $50 minimum bet, stopped short and pretended to be watching. After a short while I slunk off to the 25c slots, and threw some money away. The 25c machines don't even do anything, there's no holding, nudging or gambling, you just press a button and win or lose. People load them up with hundreds of credits, and then just sit there for hours pressing a button until all the money is gone. The people I like best are the ones who have a charge card on a coiled cord, connected to their belt. When I saw rows of them plugged into the slot machines, connected by this little umbilical, I couldn't help thinking of the matrix.
Having experienced the thrill of gambling for a few brief moments, I had to see a show. Being the high net worth individual that I am, I went straight to the cut price tickets booth. Of course none of the really big shows are going to feature here, but as Celion Dion and Elton John are currently the big names I wasn't really bothered. The biggest comedy show at the moment is Rita Rudner (who used to be quite big in the UK) , and they had tickets for her show. What's more they were VIP tickets. This meant that I got to do a "meet & greet" with the star herself. This was a really bizarre event where a group of sad individuals like me lined up in order to have a few words with, and be photographed with, Ms Rudner. So I now have another hideous memento photo to go with the one of me praying for death on the Stratosphere ride.
So, completely overspent I move on to Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon, and hopefully some semblence of sanity.

At last a city with a difference - hills. San Francisco really does stand out from the crowd. It has all the usual Starbucks and Subway overload, but it also has stonking great hills that nearly kill you then reward you with a spectacular view. Again I was lucky with the weather, because the notorious fog would take away most of the views. Even then you'd still have the fabulous cable cars running up and down the hills.
People had told me that the 4th July celebrations would be, in the American sense, awesome, so I went down to the waterfront to see if I could be awed. Apart from a couple of bands and a few street entertainers, it was all a bit low-key. The locals seemed to celebrate by covering every available inch of grass with barbecues, drinking beer, and throwing footballs to each other. The main event was the firework display in the evening. It was an impressive show, and at times I did feel a slight bit of awe. The problem with fireworks of course ( or the advantage, depending on your point of view) is that the better they are the less time they last, so it was all over fairly quickly. Walking back across town it was all very quiet, I suppose most people had work the next day.
Having walked over the Golden Gate bridge on the 4th, my tourist head suggested a trip to Alcatraz. It was only $21.75 which seemed quite reasonable for what you got, then reality bit. It was Thursday morning, and they were taking bookings for Sunday afternoon. Oh well, $21.75 back in the kitty.
My last day saw me with some time to kill before catching the bus. As I had been wondering about the workings of the cable cars, I headed for the cable car museum. It turned out to be fascinating, and even better free. If you go to San Francisco, as well as making sure to wear some flowers in your hair, spare an hour for the cable car museum.

My stay in Vancouver didn't get off to the best of starts when a drunk guy blocking the hostel doorway greeted me with the traditional Canadian greeting "Go away unless you're checking in". I explained politely that I was checking in and he let me through. The girl on reception explained that he was one of the bar staff from last night's shift. Apparently he had been undergoing some customer empathy training by getting completely sloshed. I think he was just trying to be jovial, but it came across badly after a long bus journey. That kind of leads on to the main problem with the hostel. When they said that there is a bar next door, what they meant is that there is a licensed zoo underneath all the rooms where you are supposed to sleep. Admittedly the bar closed at 11pm, but I like to choose when I go to bed. Even after 11 there was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing by young people looking for cigarette papers. Why they were so desparate for a cigarette at that time of night I don't know. The good news was that they did a stunning breakfast for $2.75. See my priorities - sleep and breakfast, I guess I'm officially too old.
Vancouver is a pleasant enough city, but not as fabulous as the guide books make out. It does boast the world's first steam clock, which should put it on everyone's to see list. Stanley Park is a nice place to spend time, and the semi-tame furry animals that abound make for some good photo-opportunities.
To give you an idea of how much there is to do on a tight budget, on my last day I ended up at the aquarium. It was a good aquarium, but a bit of a last resort I think you'll agree.
Not really sorry to leave Vancouver, but sorry to be getting back on the bus.

When I was a child, you could get a matchbox Greyhound bus. It was shiny, and looked like the ultimate in travel. Another childhood illusion shattered. The 2000 odd miles from Winnipeg to Whitehorse passed slowly and uncomfortably. Upon arrival, it really didn't seem worth it. It was 4:30am and the place was deserted, and frankly a bit dull looking. I had expected a sort of wild west frontier town with saloons, instead I got an average Canadian town with a Walmart and two Tim Hortons. Thankfully the surrounding countryside and the people at the hostel made up for my initial disappointment. I arrived in the buildup to the Yukon Quest canoe and kayak race, and the hostel was filled with a strange collection of long distance canoeists. Didn't get to see any bears in the woods, but I nearly got to see The White Stripes play in the park. Which is the same as not seeing any bears or the White Stripes I suppose. They were both there, I saw neither. To compensate I did get to see the world's longest fish ladder, and not many people can say that. It was the wrong time of year for Northern Lights, so instead we had the midnight sun. It is really strange walking through the deserted town in the middle of the night, and it being as light as day.
On my last morning there I got to see the start of the canoe race. It starts in the middle of town, and all the competitors have to run to their boats. It was quite a spectacle, and then it was time for another 48 hours in a bus.